Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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