Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
