In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Randomize
