You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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