There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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