Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize