If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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