He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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