You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
