I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
