I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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