I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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