Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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