1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
