Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
