Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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