covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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