I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish my penis had a tongue
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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