8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
