how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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