Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
