so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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