Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
