I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
