Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
