my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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