I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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