my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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