the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
then he tried to convert me to islam
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
