Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
