I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
