Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
