your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
