Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
