Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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