RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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