im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
