I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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