bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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