so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
