you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
