omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
