I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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