i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
