I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
