So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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