She is in my trunk
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize