remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
