Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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