The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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