Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
