Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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