Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
