Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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