and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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