Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
