I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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