Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
