And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
