soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
