The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
