my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize