I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
