Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
