Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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