Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize