I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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