they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
