I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
