So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
